Fourty eight long months



So it came, unlike me, it has been now two years since the last time I’ve been lucky enough to have sex. Can’t really think about much more to say about that, just thought it was a milestone for better or worse so I’ve recorded it…


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Four Days Until Two Years, Oh Hi, I Have To Pee!


“Nobody dies from lack of sex. It’s lack of love we die from.”
E E Cummings

Well hello there everyone, it has been a while since my last post hasn’t it. So so much has… not happened lol, thought I was going in a different direction there? I will endeavour to start posting again, I have had so very little happening in my love life that it honestly hasn’t warranted a post. I suppose that was the danger in creating a blog specifically about love issues. Then again the lack of love issues in fact a love issue, exactly like the quote above from Cummings illustrates.

Instead of dwelling on the fact this moment, that I’ll have been sexless for two years in four days… Lets go in a different direction! Few weeks ago I ended up in the hospital again with severe pain in my side, it felt like a kidney stone or something and I had to hit the ER for some fluid. Little did I know how much I was going to get. They hooked me up to a litre of fluid and handed me three bottles of water for another litre to be taken orally. When all that was done, I had to use the bathroom. Truly. Then they stuck another Litre on me and told me to hold it for an hour…

By the time that was done, I was starting to get worried. 15m later they finally wheeled me down the hall to the ultrasound room and I was ready to get this shit done and my ass into the bathroom. I guess they had different ideas and some of them, for me, included torture. Firstly it must have been intern day, because this very lovley young girl from the university attached to the hospital had a front seat to me with my gown pulled up to my neck, in my undies. Since I am so painfully shy and would dread even going to the beach to take off my shirt; you can imagine how I was feeling at this point!

And then, laying there in pain, embarassed, the russian nurse jams that god damn ultrasound senso into my bladder I thought it was going to be all over. She jabbed that thing around for about 5 mins of pure hell, then brought in yet another woman to see me in my undies. That makes three. They took off into a side room I assume to go have a look at the results. Witht he pain and the piss, I had nearly forgotten about the uni student. I couldnt lay down any more however, I found that it was eaiser to hold it if I sat up, so I did, and looking up when I did she was still there at the end of the bed. She said “Hi” kind of awkwardly, and who can blame her haha. I just wanted to say, Sorry!, but just barely made out a “Hello” back. I never needed a toilet so bad and I had to wait another 5min before I got to use it, I could have kissed the damn thing.

Anyway, I’m totally fine, no big issue and I’m not actually in the hospital every month or anything. This was just the most entertaining thing that happened to me I thought you might all want to read about.

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This One Time At Bandcamp…



I’ve been away for a while, working on an interesting contract in which I really can’t talk about lol. It’s been… Interesting. In any case, I’ve pretty much returned to my usual activities, which leads me to a terrible interaction with

If you aren’t sure what Bandcamp is, check out the wiki here. A while back now I went there and found The Corrs new album; White Light. I like to support artists on Bandcamp as they get more from the purchase than many other places like Apple and so forth. Or so I thought.

In this case The Corrs profile on turned out to be a totally false entry! I only found this out as when I went back to revisit the page on Bandcamp, –  It was missing. I sent through a help request to understand why this was, as you wouldn’t expect an Artist’s page to suddenly disappear without some element of malice. What I learned next was very poor.

It was a fake profile, scam, and they had removed it. Then, upon me checking they took the liberty to credit me back the amount of money that I payed for White Light. How many wrongs here? They let someone scam them by posing as The Corrs, they only contacted me when I contacted them post the action they took to resolve the issue, and since these are digital downloads I ended up with White Light for free basically.

Not cool Bandcamp, not cool. Well, I will go and buy White Light again soon though because I love The Corrs and they deserve the support! I may have to pay the devil(itunes store)in the meantime though, but I’ll look up their official store too.

Here is the google cache for the removed site!





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Online Dating Still Hates Me


So I tried online dating again last week, and I’ve immediately remembered why I gave up on it in a fit of shame. Literally the only women I can get to talk to me, are fake! Everyone else clicks the generic “Not interested” button as soon as they get a look at my pictures, which is again kind of depressing. Then every now and then someone will talk to me, but they are obviously fake.

I understand that most women are totally spammed by men, for better or worse, but at least you have a choice! Just isn’t working for the non-attractive male so well haha, but at least I can have a little fun with it:

ftc-fake fcc-fake


Haha yes, that is me, telling fake profiles I’m investigating them. They block ya pretty quick!

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Just A Good Year

New Year Ahead , Road sign , 3d render

2015 was not a bad year, it could have been better but I can’t complain too much! I didn’t lose any internal organs this year so it has to be good right!? I had a better 2014 though for a few of my personal goals but that just means I need to step up my game in 2016 to catch up.

Work, well work is always fine. I know what I’m doing and I am confident in that area of my life and I’ll always have a job so long as there is a need, which I am guessing will carry on until I’m 70 given how the governments of the world seem keen on ending all help to seniors the scoundrels.

Here are some stats for the year:

Average hours worked per week: 72.8

Weight lost: 5KG (25KG in 2014!)

Average walk distance per day: 2.15 Kilometers / 1.33 Miles

Amount of meat eaten: NONE

Times I was in bed with a woman: 1  😦

Initial sugar dates: 4 – Follow up sugar dates: 1

Non-sugar dates: 3 – Follow up non-sugar dates: 1



My goals for this year are clear to me, I still need to drop another 10-15KG and to do it I need to start spending about two hours a week, or at least 15min per day, in the home gym.

Another very annoying thing that has started to occur recently are some pretty bad skin problems arising from shaving. I’m not exactly sure why or where it comes from, I haven’t changed much of that process in the past few years and I’ve only been getting healthier so what gives? I’ve been thinking about having laser hair removal done on my face to prevent the hair from even growing so I don’t have to shave. I’m in my mid 30s, I don’t need fucking breakouts on top of all the other things I’m still insecure about!

I would also like to spend some time studying, I wouldn’t mind doing some distance courses on writing or planetary sciences, anything I’m interested in and not work related for a change.

As for my personal life where women are concerned, I can’t make any goals there, just have to let it happen naturally. Don’t need to put any more pressure on that aspect of my life on top of what I already have applied!

Hello 2016! Please be kind to us all 🙂

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NO PAIN, NO GAI– Ow, fuck!



I’ve been dreading this moment for a while, nearly a year it has actually taken me to move my ass to even try it. After losing a satisfactory amount of weight through diet, more than I thought possible without added exercise anyway, it has come to a head and I needed to get to the “gym.” Big deal right? Just do it, no pain no gain, and all that other crap. I have a few things running interference though, one you may find a bit silly and the other is no laughing matter.

Let us just start with the silliness first. Not quite half, but almost half, of the reason I’ve been avoiding going to the gym is my critical lack of self confidence. I don’t want to look like an idiot, I don’t want to be surrounded by hot attractive people(I also say no to the beach), and stupidly enough of all things not even knowing what I should wear to a gym has been a cause of concern. Like I said, pretty silly. I’m working around that though, I’ve just spent a decent amount of money on my own gym equipment and I’ve set one up for myself. There. No worries about other people any longer.

Now comes the hard part, I don’t think I’ve really ever talked about it here before in depth. I have a rather colorful past when it comes to getting physically hurt and damaging myself. I have developed neuropathic pain from one or a sum of these injuries, which aren’t small even when factored individually. I usually know my limits pretty well and I try to look after myself, but I know that I have limits and I understand that I will probably never be able to keep up with someone my own age or younger.

This was very clearly made evident by my first week in the home gym, and does connect to the looking silly part above; Currently I can only do about 15 mins of exercise a day in total and broken up to 5 min sessions. I was hoping for maybe two 30 min sessions to start with but that is way out of reach at the moment. For me, right now, that is my normal and I obviously feel that is just a bit pathetic! Makes me so glad that I didn’t go to the gym, the majority of people don’t understand chronic pain and it would just look ridiculous with me in pain after 5 mins. I’ve been fearing this, I suppose I knew it was coming as I said I do know my limits.

Disappointed or not, I’ve faced it now. The only thing I can do is try to maintain at least the same thing, 5 mins three times a day, and just hope that in some way the persistence of it will allow me to increase my resistance to pain so that I can keep going or help my body in ways where the pain just naturally is less. I wish someone could tell me how it would go, but I guess this is just something I’m going to have to mentally fight for a while.

I was looking forward to the holiday seasons, Oct-Jan, because I should have been looking a bit better now. Instead I’ve skipped every work event since last December and now seemingly have nothing great to look forward to now besides wanting my body to hold out in pain just a little longer on the equipment!

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Miss You All!



I told myself, I wasn’t going to write again until I had something meaningful to say. FAIL. Lol, I have nothing! I have only been working 16hr days for a month now and it is kind of getting old, like me, and that is about it really.  There is something I want to do in the next two weeks I’ve been saying I’m going to do for a year now, but going to keep it to myself or I will just jinx it yet again. I hope I can tell you all about it soon 🙂