Well, following up my seemingly not so great first SD on Monday, I’ve booked in another date for Saturday. This is with the Au Pair whom I have mentioned before. She seems like a very nice girl and I get along with her quite well from the messages we’ve exchanged thus far. She seems more talkative than my first SD, and I get an all around general better feeling about her so far. Wish full thinking? We’ll see!
There is another… I’ll call her Spammy, inside joke, she responded to me about three weeks late. She apologized for the late reply and said she didn’t like the site, however she liked my message to her and my profile and asked for my number in short order 🙂 So far I do like Spammy the best. But she is, well, hot which I didn’t know because she had no public pictures. I did warn her and send her the pictures of myself, to which she replied “What are you talking about you goose! You are handsome :)”
My mind flicked straight to “bullshit” as that is what I think when anyone says that kind of stuff to me. I just thanked her for the compliment, and she re-affirmed it and said “You have extremely kind eyes :)” That is a new one, I’ve not had that before. Is that code for, you aren’t really hot but I can look at you? lol.
Well I’m actually chatting with her right now via SMS – I had to buy a new belt today because I just broke my old one trying to pull it tight to the last belt hole! I’ve been doing that for a while now and it just gave way this morning. I wanted to tell someone the good news, she said that was great and that I must be happy, that getting a new belt due to size may not seem like a lot to most but is a huge deal. She also said that she was sure that some days that I probably feel the same old size, which surprised me because that is kind of how I feel every day lol.
I said she was right, even though I can see it in the clothes and on the scale, I can’t really see it in the mirror and my face is still so annoyingly fucking chubby! She replied with “I doubt that handsome… You are your toughest critic by far!” – I can’t argue with her there, but I’m a critic of me for good reasons. I’ve had a crap ton of negative feedback from girls, and it has conditioned my brain to be very cautious!
Anyway, I’m trying not to be so down on myself these days and focusing the energy on being positive and doing something about the reasons I feel negative! My first Pilates group session was today and despite being terribly embarrassed about gyming in front of others, especially with those damn suggestive Pilates positions, I didn’t die and made it through the other side. I’m only doing them once a week at the moment, but want to increase that. I want to move faster!