I’ve been dreading this moment for a while, nearly a year it has actually taken me to move my ass to even try it. After losing a satisfactory amount of weight through diet, more than I thought possible without added exercise anyway, it has come to a head and I needed to get to the “gym.” Big deal right? Just do it, no pain no gain, and all that other crap. I have a few things running interference though, one you may find a bit silly and the other is no laughing matter.
Let us just start with the silliness first. Not quite half, but almost half, of the reason I’ve been avoiding going to the gym is my critical lack of self confidence. I don’t want to look like an idiot, I don’t want to be surrounded by hot attractive people(I also say no to the beach), and stupidly enough of all things not even knowing what I should wear to a gym has been a cause of concern. Like I said, pretty silly. I’m working around that though, I’ve just spent a decent amount of money on my own gym equipment and I’ve set one up for myself. There. No worries about other people any longer.
Now comes the hard part, I don’t think I’ve really ever talked about it here before in depth. I have a rather colorful past when it comes to getting physically hurt and damaging myself. I have developed neuropathic pain from one or a sum of these injuries, which aren’t small even when factored individually. I usually know my limits pretty well and I try to look after myself, but I know that I have limits and I understand that I will probably never be able to keep up with someone my own age or younger.
This was very clearly made evident by my first week in the home gym, and does connect to the looking silly part above; Currently I can only do about 15 mins of exercise a day in total and broken up to 5 min sessions. I was hoping for maybe two 30 min sessions to start with but that is way out of reach at the moment. For me, right now, that is my normal and I obviously feel that is just a bit pathetic! Makes me so glad that I didn’t go to the gym, the majority of people don’t understand chronic pain and it would just look ridiculous with me in pain after 5 mins. I’ve been fearing this, I suppose I knew it was coming as I said I do know my limits.
Disappointed or not, I’ve faced it now. The only thing I can do is try to maintain at least the same thing, 5 mins three times a day, and just hope that in some way the persistence of it will allow me to increase my resistance to pain so that I can keep going or help my body in ways where the pain just naturally is less. I wish someone could tell me how it would go, but I guess this is just something I’m going to have to mentally fight for a while.
I was looking forward to the holiday seasons, Oct-Jan, because I should have been looking a bit better now. Instead I’ve skipped every work event since last December and now seemingly have nothing great to look forward to now besides wanting my body to hold out in pain just a little longer on the equipment!