Archive for category Updates
So it came, unlike me, it has been now two years since the last time I’ve been lucky enough to have sex. Can’t really think about much more to say about that, just thought it was a milestone for better or worse so I’ve recorded it…
“Nobody dies from lack of sex. It’s lack of love we die from.”
E E Cummings
Well hello there everyone, it has been a while since my last post hasn’t it. So so much has… not happened lol, thought I was going in a different direction there? I will endeavour to start posting again, I have had so very little happening in my love life that it honestly hasn’t warranted a post. I suppose that was the danger in creating a blog specifically about love issues. Then again the lack of love issues in fact a love issue, exactly like the quote above from Cummings illustrates.
Instead of dwelling on the fact this moment, that I’ll have been sexless for two years in four days… Lets go in a different direction! Few weeks ago I ended up in the hospital again with severe pain in my side, it felt like a kidney stone or something and I had to hit the ER for some fluid. Little did I know how much I was going to get. They hooked me up to a litre of fluid and handed me three bottles of water for another litre to be taken orally. When all that was done, I had to use the bathroom. Truly. Then they stuck another Litre on me and told me to hold it for an hour…
By the time that was done, I was starting to get worried. 15m later they finally wheeled me down the hall to the ultrasound room and I was ready to get this shit done and my ass into the bathroom. I guess they had different ideas and some of them, for me, included torture. Firstly it must have been intern day, because this very lovley young girl from the university attached to the hospital had a front seat to me with my gown pulled up to my neck, in my undies. Since I am so painfully shy and would dread even going to the beach to take off my shirt; you can imagine how I was feeling at this point!
And then, laying there in pain, embarassed, the russian nurse jams that god damn ultrasound senso into my bladder I thought it was going to be all over. She jabbed that thing around for about 5 mins of pure hell, then brought in yet another woman to see me in my undies. That makes three. They took off into a side room I assume to go have a look at the results. Witht he pain and the piss, I had nearly forgotten about the uni student. I couldnt lay down any more however, I found that it was eaiser to hold it if I sat up, so I did, and looking up when I did she was still there at the end of the bed. She said “Hi” kind of awkwardly, and who can blame her haha. I just wanted to say, Sorry!, but just barely made out a “Hello” back. I never needed a toilet so bad and I had to wait another 5min before I got to use it, I could have kissed the damn thing.
Anyway, I’m totally fine, no big issue and I’m not actually in the hospital every month or anything. This was just the most entertaining thing that happened to me I thought you might all want to read about.
I’ve been dreading this moment for a while, nearly a year it has actually taken me to move my ass to even try it. After losing a satisfactory amount of weight through diet, more than I thought possible without added exercise anyway, it has come to a head and I needed to get to the “gym.” Big deal right? Just do it, no pain no gain, and all that other crap. I have a few things running interference though, one you may find a bit silly and the other is no laughing matter.
Let us just start with the silliness first. Not quite half, but almost half, of the reason I’ve been avoiding going to the gym is my critical lack of self confidence. I don’t want to look like an idiot, I don’t want to be surrounded by hot attractive people(I also say no to the beach), and stupidly enough of all things not even knowing what I should wear to a gym has been a cause of concern. Like I said, pretty silly. I’m working around that though, I’ve just spent a decent amount of money on my own gym equipment and I’ve set one up for myself. There. No worries about other people any longer.
Now comes the hard part, I don’t think I’ve really ever talked about it here before in depth. I have a rather colorful past when it comes to getting physically hurt and damaging myself. I have developed neuropathic pain from one or a sum of these injuries, which aren’t small even when factored individually. I usually know my limits pretty well and I try to look after myself, but I know that I have limits and I understand that I will probably never be able to keep up with someone my own age or younger.
This was very clearly made evident by my first week in the home gym, and does connect to the looking silly part above; Currently I can only do about 15 mins of exercise a day in total and broken up to 5 min sessions. I was hoping for maybe two 30 min sessions to start with but that is way out of reach at the moment. For me, right now, that is my normal and I obviously feel that is just a bit pathetic! Makes me so glad that I didn’t go to the gym, the majority of people don’t understand chronic pain and it would just look ridiculous with me in pain after 5 mins. I’ve been fearing this, I suppose I knew it was coming as I said I do know my limits.
Disappointed or not, I’ve faced it now. The only thing I can do is try to maintain at least the same thing, 5 mins three times a day, and just hope that in some way the persistence of it will allow me to increase my resistance to pain so that I can keep going or help my body in ways where the pain just naturally is less. I wish someone could tell me how it would go, but I guess this is just something I’m going to have to mentally fight for a while.
I was looking forward to the holiday seasons, Oct-Jan, because I should have been looking a bit better now. Instead I’ve skipped every work event since last December and now seemingly have nothing great to look forward to now besides wanting my body to hold out in pain just a little longer on the equipment!
I told myself, I wasn’t going to write again until I had something meaningful to say. FAIL. Lol, I have nothing! I have only been working 16hr days for a month now and it is kind of getting old, like me, and that is about it really. There is something I want to do in the next two weeks I’ve been saying I’m going to do for a year now, but going to keep it to myself or I will just jinx it yet again. I hope I can tell you all about it soon 🙂
I’ve kept in pretty close contact with my webcam friend over seas, though I haven’t been on more than an hour a week to chat with her in the website she works from. Just very busy! A while back she asked if she could fly over in August to meet me, and I wasn’t sure she was serious, but she was as I found out over the past four months of talking over WhatsApp. I was a bit standoffish about it, and turns out she had some health issues anyway and she has delayed her vacation time which is understandable.
She also had to move, so I sent over some surprise money via Amazon so she could set up her new place and make it as nice as she wanted. I like doing unexpected things for people! Going to send her over a card soon too as it will be a year since I first started speaking with her online. I am guessing as soon as she has more free time she will want to fly over and hang out with me again, a week was the last I knew about how much time she wanted to spend over here…
I would be a lot more excited about it, but I am a terrible host! I would be at a total loss with things to do and afraid I would just bore her to death. I doubt very much she was coming over here to jump on me even though she has said as much, that would change as soon as she saw me in person I am sure. Even best case scenario and it did happen, would be wrong of me just to keep her locked up in the hotel which I am no good at either!
Not sure how this ever came to be, unless incredibly hot cam girls fly over seas to meet guys from their rooms all the time and I am just clueless? I kind of hope she gets sick of me and doesn’t want to come over lol, what is my issue!
Last week I was hand-balled the biggest piece of work I’ve ever received. I kind of saw it coming, when they ask for a quote from a 3rd party and it comes back taking three guys 90 days and $275,000 to complete it… Of course they are going to smash their local salary earning slave! So I get four months and a pat on the back, hahaha, good times, good times.
Due to that and just spending a week trying to figure out exactly what and how the hell I am going to manage this project, I haven’t been out at all and everything I started to build momentum with is on pause. Just when I started to get some luck! I’m not sure I even care too much at this point though because I’m doing something very fun this weekend; going to see my favorite astrophysicist give a speech…
Ok so when I say very fun, I mean very fun for me haha. During my early years studying medicine I quickly found myself much more interested in astrophysics, but due to my early ill-advised marriage I tanked all my studies and ended up in a completely unrelated field to both. Anyway, just very excited and thought I would share that!
After I wrote my last article, I asked my company because I had a bad feeling if my ex-wife applied for a job here. They said no. Turns out, the HR department was lying to me and my ex-wife has applied for a job at my place of work! I’ve come to the information I need by other means, and we won’t get into that. So I’ve spent all of my time from the last post to this one trying to ensure that she isn’t going to end up working here. So far, so good, they would rather not lose me and I would quit and set-up a legal defence if she tried it again.
She’s also attempting contact through other social media means now in which I have not entertained as of yet but it is looking like I have to in order to put a stop to this. Knowing where I work is bad enough, applying to the same place is bullshit!
Not really anything else happening in my life at the moment, they really need “the most un-interesting man in the world” meme with my face all over it lol.