Posts Tagged shyness
So it came, unlike me, it has been now two years since the last time I’ve been lucky enough to have sex. Can’t really think about much more to say about that, just thought it was a milestone for better or worse so I’ve recorded it…
I’ve kept in pretty close contact with my webcam friend over seas, though I haven’t been on more than an hour a week to chat with her in the website she works from. Just very busy! A while back she asked if she could fly over in August to meet me, and I wasn’t sure she was serious, but she was as I found out over the past four months of talking over WhatsApp. I was a bit standoffish about it, and turns out she had some health issues anyway and she has delayed her vacation time which is understandable.
She also had to move, so I sent over some surprise money via Amazon so she could set up her new place and make it as nice as she wanted. I like doing unexpected things for people! Going to send her over a card soon too as it will be a year since I first started speaking with her online. I am guessing as soon as she has more free time she will want to fly over and hang out with me again, a week was the last I knew about how much time she wanted to spend over here…
I would be a lot more excited about it, but I am a terrible host! I would be at a total loss with things to do and afraid I would just bore her to death. I doubt very much she was coming over here to jump on me even though she has said as much, that would change as soon as she saw me in person I am sure. Even best case scenario and it did happen, would be wrong of me just to keep her locked up in the hotel which I am no good at either!
Not sure how this ever came to be, unless incredibly hot cam girls fly over seas to meet guys from their rooms all the time and I am just clueless? I kind of hope she gets sick of me and doesn’t want to come over lol, what is my issue!
My possible three date week turned into a zero date week in the end! Allow me to explain.
My first date was Wednesday, but really turned out not to be a date. Her body language wasn’t right, said a few odd things and at least one insulting thing to me, and flat out refused to let me pay more than half of the food we ate. I thought she was a nice and interesting enough person, but certainly no sparks on her side of things so I didn’t get too interested.
So right after that I jumped on public transport back to the office and remembered that one of the three girls had asked me to drinks the week before, so feeling crap I sent her a message and asked her to drinks! Normally I’d never try anything this brave, meeting two women I’d not met before in one day is about all the stress this poor fool can take.
Get this, she was literally eating at the place I had just left with the other girl when I sent her the message! Small world. She was still eating and would be an hour at least, but she agreed, and we met up at a tavern at 10:45pm. We had a few drinks and chatted for about an hour, she had a bad cough though and I didn’t want to make her stay too long so I packed up and we went our seperate ways. She is Taiwanese and the language barrier, here for only 6 months, was interesting. There was a lot of nodding and smiling along from both of us haha, that will take some getting use to. At least she is still keen on meting again, so I am sure we will soon… For a real date.
The third date delayed due to flu, it is going around, so I was off the hook there.
It is also worth to note, that I have not met anyone for the first time before where I just go and grab a few drinks with them. Much more relaxing than meeting and going to a full out dinner together. I’m not cheap, just awkward!
I’m not exactly sure how this happened. Next week I will have three first dates, if I want them, and seemingly by dumb luck? Well, I just checked my online dating profiles and of course as usual, not a thing. It has been even more depressing there than usual of late, I haven’t been able to get anyone to chat with me in over a month. Every day, nothing but not interested.
So how did I get three dates? I grabbed this cheap dodgy looking chat application, it does a geo search and pulls back people close to your physical location to chat to. There are people from all walks of life and I’ve done some really good chats. So much so that after one week of chatting people, next week I have three women who would love to go out with me. One has already asked me out for drinks first!
They all have my picture, and are pretty girls, so it makes me ask the question what is wrong with dating sites! Mine does not, but do others have a mentality shift when the log into dating sites? Do they switch to an extreme, must be this for that because I’m getting what I want or something? These three girls in a lot of cases are a lot more attractive than girls I’ve tried to contact on dating sites too. It just seems that I win people over if I am able to talk to them which I am not able to do on dating sites, don’t think they can get pat my ugly mug or something!
Well I can’t think too much about it, I’ll just get more confused in my poor little male brain 🙂 I should count my luck now that after 9/10 months of not a single drink or date with anyone I’ve got suddenly three I need to somehow organize. Totally unexpected!
This will be easy I thought, no problems, I like a wide range of music and finding songs which explain me and my life would be a piece of cake. Nope! Turns out I was wrong and spent more than a few hours listening to songs while working trying to make this post actually work out haha. I am being a bit picky, not picking the song title or just a single line from a song which fits me, rather I’m trying for songs where the entirety of it hits me on the head.
What also makes it hard is that a metric crap ton of music is all about being in love or broken hearts after love. Both of which I am quite inexperienced at, to have a broken heart you need a chance to have love. Not as easy as I thought, but here goes.
DEF LEPPARD – “Love Bites”
I don’t wanna touch you too much baby
‘Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don’t wanna be there when you decide to break it
I guess this is a precautionary falling for someone song especially if you’ve been burnt before which I have, example; just when I thought things were going well with a girl I was dating for around two weeks a few years back, she up and ditches me. Why? I am too boring she said, not as exciting as she thought I was(truth hurts). What got me most is she ran back to a guy who beat the crap out of her in the past, more than once. Makes ya feel good. Makes you cautious about the next person you fall for…
JOHNNY CASH – “Before My Time”
I know that hearts were loving
Long before I was here
And I’m not the first to ever cry
In my bed or in my beer
There were songs before there was radio
Of love that stays and love that goes
They were writing meloncholy tunes
And tearful words that rhyme
Before my time
Before my time
This song to me is a great reminder that everything I am experiencing in life has been experienced before, by others, many times over. I think it helps to understand that while names and places might be different, nothing is unique about my problems at all 🙂
Tom Petty – “Two Gunslingers”
Two gunslingers, walked out in the street
And one said “I don’t want to fight no more”
And the other gunslinger thought about it
And he said, “yeah what are we fighting for?”
This is a great song, and exactly how I feel about all of the senseless violence out int he world readily available for observation. A simple realization and coming to terms that what is going down isn’t right and you don’t have to be a part of it!
Papa Roach – “Scars”
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
My scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart open
Just to feel
This one is pretty self explanatory!
Alan Jackson – “Here In The Real World”
But here in the real world, it’s not that easy at all
‘Cause when hearts get broken, it’s real tears that fall
And darlin’ it’s sad but true, but the one thing I’ve learned from you
Is how the boy don’t always get the girl, here in the real world
Damn. Country music really has a way of kicking you while you’re down doesn’t it! This song describes the set of circumstances which have lead me to be over cautious to the point of never even bothering to ask anyone out any more lol.
I think that will basically give you all an idea of what I am like, if you were to listen to a set of songs meant to describe me 🙂
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mix Tape Masterpiece.”
Well the end of the road has finally come for my frequently looked forward to future interactions with the Receptionist. She flew home last week under some personal circumstances as I understand, the company didn’t even send out an udate until it was too late. It will feel a bit odd for a while, I usually come into the office and hope for little run-ins with her where I get a chance to fail at basic human interaction with a female 🙂
In a company update a few days after she left, they actually passed out her personal e-mail address which she authorized to give so I have written the following to her:
Traditional greeting here! I was saddened to hear that you were leaving Country and thus also Company. I hope that the coloquial term welcomes you with open arms, may it light up your face with gladness and hide every trace of sadness. If you have a need for someone out here to give you a hand with any loose ends of any kind, please don’t be afraid to ask me at all as I would really be happy to help you out!
Best wishes and of course traditional wishing of luck here!
That is all that I could come up with without sounding too much like a sob. I take solace in the fact that in a parallel universe, I ended up with her 🙂
Yup, a few weeks past 6 months has now gone by for me without any sex. My last bedtime fun was with the South American, only it didn’t turn out really to be any fun at all. Before that, it was over two years. That makes a total of sex, once, in the past three years. Awesome.
I am not involved in any adult dating sites, Tinder included. SeekingArrangement really allowed me to talk to and have a few initial dates with women very easily, but what came next didn’t come so easily or naturally and I wasn’t enjoying guessing at Arrangements so I’m now off SA until further notice. With standard dating sites, 9 out of every 10 attempts at contacting result in an immediate not interested half of which are blocks. The other 1 out of 10 person who accepts seems only interested in chatting never meeting.
Dating without online assistance isn’t an option. I work too much, don’t go out enough on my own or at all with friends. You might think I am the most uninteresting and unattractive person in the world to have this kind of a problem.
And I would probably agree with you at this point, because I’m not quite sure what I’m doing so wrong! Oh well. Keep trying to self improve and don’t give up is all I can do despite feeling like I’m %100 unwanted.